


A letter to my future self

by NikiMouse221



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Kiss, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Letters, M/M, a letter to my future self
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-08
Updated: 2016-01-08
Packaged: 2018-05-12 15:13:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 651
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5670472
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NikiMouse221/pseuds/NikiMouse221
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cas decides to write a letter to his future self</p>
            </blockquote>





	A letter to my future self

I don't know how to start this letter. Should I start with 'Dear future self'? Or should I start with 'Dear future Castiel'? Or maybe, 'Cas'? If I shell refer to myself in second person for this letter, I most certainly prefer 'Cas', Dean calls me Cas, and I really like the sound of it. But maybe only because Dean calls me that, he has a habit of making everything sound and seem nicer, but maybe it's only me who thinks so.  
I guess I've already started this letter, might as well just continue.  
I saw it on the Netflix. Young humans usually do things like this in school, I suppose the purpose of it is to put their heart's desires and 'dreams' into words and see if they've accomplished them in the course of their life. I thought it might be a good idea to attempted this as well, it is a hard time right now, maybe it'll help me cope.  
Anyway, future self\Castiel\Cas,  
I hope you are well. I hope Dean and Sam are well, as-well.  
I hope you didn't leave them or ever even thought of betraying their trust again.  
I hope heaven forgave you, and if not, I hope you live in the bunker and hunt with the Winchesters. I hope they trained you and you are a true hunter now.  
Did you defeat Amara? Did she hurt Dean? If she did, I sure hope you could help him. And if you could not… I can't even dare to think of your condition.  
I hope you didn't forget who you are, Castiel.  
You are a servant of heaven.  
But, as you know, everyone has their own heaven.  
I hope you kept Dean safe.  
He needs you, he said so himself.  
You need him, sometimes more than you know, and most certainly more than he knows.  
Did you ever tell him that you have strong emotions towards him?  
If you did, how did he react? Were your… 'Feelings', mutual?  
If they were, how did his lips taste? Are they just as sweet as they look, just as tender?  
If he does not feel the same about you, I hope you're still in good terms. I hope you're fine, I hope angels don't experience heartbreak, or at least not as strongly as humans.  
I wish things were different. I wish Dean and I… you… us, could live together and have a normal life, without monsters and pain.  
Maybe for you, future me, things are already like this. Maybe you've defeated the monsters, and heaven forgave you, and you've returned there and waited for Dean to come and share his heaven with you.  
But these are only dreams, fantasies, and desires from the depth of my heart that will never be real. The reality we live in won't allow beautiful things. It is filled with pain and darkness and doesn't leave any room for happiness and sunlight. Sometimes, I wonder how someone as beautiful and bright as Dean Winchester has room in all this darkness.  
I hope you've made him understand his worth. Either by showing him how much you… love him, or by being a caring friend, either way, I hope he is happy.  
I hope that Sam is happy as well.  
I hope, dear future Cas, that you are happy.  
I hope you are happy together.  
Make sure Sam knows about this letter. Tell him to give it to Dean if anything happens to you. Make sure Dean knows how you felt about him if you're gone before you've managed to inform him about the way you feel.  
And if you've already informed him and he sees you as nothing but a friend, make sure he knows that you'll love him forever.  
And make sure Sam knows he's a good person, no matter what he's done.  
I hope your life was good, Castiel.

Yours,  
Castiel 2016


End file.
